For many years I’ve been seeking a way to explain ADD to strangers. It’s something I’ve had all my life, both my children have it, and I’m quite certain my father had it too.
So here goes.
It’s like having Robin Williams in your head.
Robin Williams has been very public about his own ADD. His creative comic explosions are a great way to visualize what it’s like. But not all his thoughts are funny.
Some people with Robin Williams in their head will sit back and enjoy the show. My daughter does that. She laughs a lot.
But the Robin Williams in your head can be a trickster. He can play games with you you’re not aware of, reversing letters on a page, turning bed to deb, or dog to god. He may reverse the orders of words. It’s fun for the Robin Williams in your head. But the rest of the world calls this dyslexia. Many people with passive ADD have dyslexia or dysplaxia, a similar problem with math.
Other people try to face down the Robin Williams in their heads. They argue with him. They try to become like him. Their heads become very busy places, and they may not have much time for what’s outside them. If you’re a boy and you have Robin Williams in your head, you will likely be diagnosed as having ADHD. You don’t know there’s anything wrong. You see the whole world from the inside out. You may have great trouble interacting with other people, or suffering other, slower people, like teachers.
I have this type of ADD. I was diagnosed, I later learned, in 1965. I wasn’t told this at the time, and I wasn’t medicated. To survive I developed a split personality, as my father had. Over time this let me "grow out" of ADHD, as they say, but I was always a house divided against myself until middle age, when an understanding psychiatrist helped me understand what was wrong, that it wasn’t wrong, and helped give me ways to integrate myself again.
Not everyone with Robin Williams in their head is a compulsive comic. Some are compulsive inventors, or compulsive artists, or compulsive scientists. Me. I’m a compulsive writer. I can no longer stop writing than I can turn off the Robin Williams in my head.
With our son we’ve been more aggressive. At 16 he’s had more therapy
than Woody Allen did at 50. He has taken medication. He has gotten
better. He has been off medication for over a year.
John is far more integrated than I was at 16, far wiser, a far better person. He tutors other kids, he volunteers at soup kitchens. His pastor sees it, we see it, and most of his teachers, eventually, see it.
So when he got into high school we didn’t notify the district that he had ADHD. We didn’t substantiate it with past letters from doctors or psychiatrists. We just told his teachers, when he had trouble, we gave them hints on how to deal with them, and eventually they found him charming.
His school made it all official last year with a Student Support Team so that
teachers could share tips on dealing with the occasional slip-up. When he gets scared, or nervous, he may fail to read others’ body language correctly. The Robin Williams in his head suddenly can’t see outside himself anymore. I’m the exact same way.
This fall, a new principal was late getting the SST
process going, he had made it his aim to restore firm discipline to the school, and before we knew it John had a physical confrontation
with one of his teachers. (It didn’t help that she had e-mailed me for help and I didn’t respond, because I didn’t get the e-mail.) She didn’t know about the ADHD. She was having a bad day, I suspect. She goaded him, scared him. Most kids will retreat in the face of that. The Robin Williams in my son’s head did not.
I consider the teacher wholly innocent in the matter. What would you do if Robin Williams suddenly appeared before you, in your classroom, and when you gave him the "back up" voice most kids understand instinctively he reached for you instead?
The district’s plan for today was to expel him permanently
from the Atlanta Public School system. The principal doesn’t want to
admit his fault. The teacher doesn’t want to be a victim. The district
doesn’t want to acknowledge the Robin Williams in his head.
Something similar happened with my daughter, the one who laughs. They waited until her
dyslexia got her pulled from the magnet program at her high school to do anything. We
had to fight to keep her in the school — the magnet dream died — but she has succeeded wonderfully, and
now takes honors English in college. But she still has ADD. My son
still has ADD. I still have ADD. I wouldn’t want to live any other way. Nor should I be made to.
Too many public schools want to see ADD as a "disability," and when
they see that word they think extra money and special education. But
many ADD kids, like my son, are brilliant. He has a 92 average in the
International Baccalaureate program at his school, and he even added
Chinese and Arabic, just for the challenge. Emory University’s Web site includes a list of dozens of psychologists who aim to help ADD/ADHD students.
But now we’re in for a fight. The district still plans a disciplinary tribunal. Their recommendation is still expulsion. Thank God we’ve spent the weekend getting resources and advice which might help him stay. If he’s expelled my son will be branded a
criminal, and told the only place for him is a school for violent
offenders. Instead of being an honor student, he will be a pariah. College from there looks impossible.
So if my Robin Williams isn’t its normal, cheery, creative self
for a while, that’s why. When my Robin Williams gets depressed, it makes
bipolar feel like a Disney ride, the one with the teacups. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I
alternate between deep chills and intense sweating. I can’t cry. I’m
thirsty, but I always need to go to the bathroom. When my Robin
Williams is depressed I am completely disabled.
After this is over, I plan to get some help for that. When the son’s in trouble and the dad’s a basket case, it’s not a good thing.
I don’t mind telling you this. I am scared to death. More scared than at any time in my life. Your own death is nothing next to watching your kids murdered by an uncaring bureaucracy.
Yesterday, at our church, the pastor preached the parable of the widow and the judge. The widow kept bothering the judge for justice, and he finally gave in just to keep her from pestering him. The pastor was referring to the SCHIP veto, but his message was that such pestering is a form of prayer.
I plan to pray a lot in the next few weeks.
Robin Williams is wonderfully creative.
There are many ways to go through the world. He used his creativity to find a way and so will your son, and you. It will may not be the way others go through it but it may be just as successful and truly authentic.
Honors learning can be had many ways, and college can be approached via a number of avenues.
Strength!
Robin Williams is wonderfully creative.
There are many ways to go through the world. He used his creativity to find a way and so will your son, and you. It will may not be the way others go through it but it may be just as successful and truly authentic.
Honors learning can be had many ways, and college can be approached via a number of avenues.
Strength!
We still have a chance. There were many mistakes made by the school system, IMO, and these will be brought out at the tribunal.
I wish we could make some of them clear to the members beforehand, and have more assurance of success, but this looks like one of those “Law & Order” episodes.
We still have a chance. There were many mistakes made by the school system, IMO, and these will be brought out at the tribunal.
I wish we could make some of them clear to the members beforehand, and have more assurance of success, but this looks like one of those “Law & Order” episodes.
As usual a terrific read Dana – and as through the years – your personal stories are even more moving. If there is anything I and your readership can do to assist with you vs. the school board, please let me (us) know. You’d be amazed where random school board connections can come from. My best – Michael
As usual a terrific read Dana – and as through the years – your personal stories are even more moving. If there is anything I and your readership can do to assist with you vs. the school board, please let me (us) know. You’d be amazed where random school board connections can come from. My best – Michael
I have the passive, “inattentive”, girl-type ADD and sometimes can only be original no matter how great my desire to feed people what they want to hear. I can only wish you the best of luck, and hang in there. Don’t get me started on today’s Zero Tolerance atmosphere of fear.
Anyway – hang in there. If worse comes to worst, there is always the mass media to appeal to, if you so desire.
I have the passive, “inattentive”, girl-type ADD and sometimes can only be original no matter how great my desire to feed people what they want to hear. I can only wish you the best of luck, and hang in there. Don’t get me started on today’s Zero Tolerance atmosphere of fear.
Anyway – hang in there. If worse comes to worst, there is always the mass media to appeal to, if you so desire.
I thought you were my mass media audience!
I thought you were my mass media audience!
Thanks for sharing Dana. Prayer is another way to focus within as well as without.
The bureaucratic tinderbox that is the public school system, is actually no different than virtually any other institution. I have reached the conclusion that about 20% (maybe a bit generous) of the people performing any given job, will do it with excellence. The same 20% at the bottom, will perform abysmally. Everyone else falls somewhere in the middle.
Most of the people you and your family have dealt with are the middlings, perhaps adding a few dashes of the brilliants. No worries.
Do what you can to ‘fix’ the current situation but if it doesn’t work out, I’m a firm believer in, “God opens a window”. I know the perfect situation will present itself if this school drops the ball.
What a lucky man you are to have such a tremendous family. I’m jealous. We are childless and I fill my time, as you know, with coaching the Lady Buzzkills. But it does look like the Buttlicker U. season is shaping up nicely.
Take care, good luck, and vigilance, my Boy, vigilance.
Thanks for sharing Dana. Prayer is another way to focus within as well as without.
The bureaucratic tinderbox that is the public school system, is actually no different than virtually any other institution. I have reached the conclusion that about 20% (maybe a bit generous) of the people performing any given job, will do it with excellence. The same 20% at the bottom, will perform abysmally. Everyone else falls somewhere in the middle.
Most of the people you and your family have dealt with are the middlings, perhaps adding a few dashes of the brilliants. No worries.
Do what you can to ‘fix’ the current situation but if it doesn’t work out, I’m a firm believer in, “God opens a window”. I know the perfect situation will present itself if this school drops the ball.
What a lucky man you are to have such a tremendous family. I’m jealous. We are childless and I fill my time, as you know, with coaching the Lady Buzzkills. But it does look like the Buttlicker U. season is shaping up nicely.
Take care, good luck, and vigilance, my Boy, vigilance.
Dana,
I think that you are a wonderful person and your son and daughter and wife are also wonderful people. The system may try to harm you and/or them but your light and theirs will shine on. Thank the goodness of we humans. Fight hard and don’t fight fair. Hit hard and hit first. They are wrong and must lose. Intelligence and concern for humanity which you and your family have and demonstrate must prevail or we are all lost.
Dana,
I think that you are a wonderful person and your son and daughter and wife are also wonderful people. The system may try to harm you and/or them but your light and theirs will shine on. Thank the goodness of we humans. Fight hard and don’t fight fair. Hit hard and hit first. They are wrong and must lose. Intelligence and concern for humanity which you and your family have and demonstrate must prevail or we are all lost.
That is a wonderful article. Thank you for sharing with us! I did not even know that Robin has ADD. I have my own blog about ADD ADHD and http://www.adderworld.com and I do a Adder quote of the week. I think I will use Robin Williams next 🙂
Thanks!
Bryan
That is a wonderful article. Thank you for sharing with us! I did not even know that Robin has ADD. I have my own blog about ADD ADHD and http://www.adderworld.com and I do a Adder quote of the week. I think I will use Robin Williams next 🙂
Thanks!
Bryan
What a wonderful article!
I don’t think I’ve ever heard ADD explained quite this way, and yet i can immediately relate to it.
I hope your situation with your son has been long worked out by now, and I hope you were able to communicate to the school system as well as you have communicated here. 😉
Warmly
Rick Prevatt
What a wonderful article!
I don’t think I’ve ever heard ADD explained quite this way, and yet i can immediately relate to it.
I hope your situation with your son has been long worked out by now, and I hope you were able to communicate to the school system as well as you have communicated here. 😉
Warmly
Rick Prevatt
Fun article, but Robin does not have ADD and is not bipolar. Sorry to say. Just because he’s all over the place when he’s on stage or TV doesn’t make him have a mental disease.
Fun article, but Robin does not have ADD and is not bipolar. Sorry to say. Just because he’s all over the place when he’s on stage or TV doesn’t make him have a mental disease.
Just because he’s all over the place when he’s on stage or TV doesn’t make him have a mental disease.
Just because he’s all over the place when he’s on stage or TV doesn’t make him have a mental disease.
Tiffany Jewelry: ADHD is not a “mental disease.” It’s a different way of thinking. It has advantages and disadvantages. Understanding both helps you maximize the former and minimize the impact of the latter.
Tiffany Jewelry: ADHD is not a “mental disease.” It’s a different way of thinking. It has advantages and disadvantages. Understanding both helps you maximize the former and minimize the impact of the latter.
Calling it a ‘different way of thinking’ is wrong. Call a spade a spade please.
Would you want to get rid of it? Yes.
Would you wanted to have never gotten it? Yes.
Would you want for your son to not have it? Yes.
Sound pretty undesirable to me. Don’t call it a ‘different way of thinking’.
Calling it a ‘different way of thinking’ is wrong. Call a spade a spade please.
Would you want to get rid of it? Yes.
Would you wanted to have never gotten it? Yes.
Would you want for your son to not have it? Yes.
Sound pretty undesirable to me. Don’t call it a ‘different way of thinking’.
The answer to those questions you pose is "no" and that's the point.
I wouldn't be me without the ADD.
The answer to those questions you pose is "no" and that's the point.
I wouldn't be me without the ADD.
So it is not a different way of thinking – that is an outward symptom/effect of adhd. Adhd itself – the root – is a disease or dysfunction or whatever one may call it.
And Dana, I think you would be perfectly yourself still without the adhd effect. You would be perfectly yourself, I have no doubt about that. People adapt to the environment (external & internal stimuli) they grow up in, and adapt. But they remain who they are.
That’s how I see it. I could be wrong – but I don’t think so.
So it is not a different way of thinking – that is an outward symptom/effect of adhd. Adhd itself – the root – is a disease or dysfunction or whatever one may call it.
And Dana, I think you would be perfectly yourself still without the adhd effect. You would be perfectly yourself, I have no doubt about that. People adapt to the environment (external & internal stimuli) they grow up in, and adapt. But they remain who they are.
That’s how I see it. I could be wrong – but I don’t think so.
ADHD has multiple effects. Some are positive. Others are negative.
The mind is more complex than you imagine. And the differences among minds is part of the wonder of God.
Does that mean I don't work hard to deal with the hard parts of the hand God dealt? Of course not.
But this "normal" of which you speak is a land that does not exist. There is a great range to the mind of man, and it is this diversity that makes us unique. Normal is not a spot on the map, but a great land that great nations find ways to grow.
Sheesh.
ADHD has multiple effects. Some are positive. Others are negative.
The mind is more complex than you imagine. And the differences among minds is part of the wonder of God.
Does that mean I don't work hard to deal with the hard parts of the hand God dealt? Of course not.
But this "normal" of which you speak is a land that does not exist. There is a great range to the mind of man, and it is this diversity that makes us unique. Normal is not a spot on the map, but a great land that great nations find ways to grow.
Sheesh.
God bless you and your family!
God bless you and your family!
A.D.D. is a gift! One I would never want to live without! Albert Einstein, Galileo, Mozart, Wright Brothers, Leonardo da Vinci,
Cher, Bruce Jenner, Tom Cruise, Charles Schwab, Henry Winkler,
Danny Glover, Walt Disney, John Lennon, Greg Louganis,
Winston Churchill, Henry Ford, Stephen Hawkings, Jules Verne,
Alexander Graham Bell, Woodrow Wilson, Hans Christian Anderson,
Nelson Rockefeller, Thomas Edison, Gen. George Patton, Agatha Christie,
John F. Kennedy, Whoopi Goldberg, Rodin, Thomas Thoreau,
David H. Murdock, Dustin Hoffman, Pete Rose, Russell White,
Jason Kidd, Russell Varian, Robin Williams, Louis Pasteur,
Werner von Braun, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Robert Kennedy,
Luci Baines, Johnson Nugent, George Bush’s children, Prince Charles,
Gen. Westmoreland, Eddie Rickenbacker, Gregory Boyington,
Harry Belafonte, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Mariel Hemingway,
Steve McQueen, George C. Scott, Tom Smothers, Suzanne Somers,
Lindsay Wagner, George Bernard Shaw, Beethoven, Carl Lewis,
Jackie Stewart, “Magic” Johnson, Weyerhauser family,
Wrigley, John Corcoran, and Sylvester Stallone attest to that for me!
A.D.D. is a gift! One I would never want to live without! Albert Einstein, Galileo, Mozart, Wright Brothers, Leonardo da Vinci,
Cher, Bruce Jenner, Tom Cruise, Charles Schwab, Henry Winkler,
Danny Glover, Walt Disney, John Lennon, Greg Louganis,
Winston Churchill, Henry Ford, Stephen Hawkings, Jules Verne,
Alexander Graham Bell, Woodrow Wilson, Hans Christian Anderson,
Nelson Rockefeller, Thomas Edison, Gen. George Patton, Agatha Christie,
John F. Kennedy, Whoopi Goldberg, Rodin, Thomas Thoreau,
David H. Murdock, Dustin Hoffman, Pete Rose, Russell White,
Jason Kidd, Russell Varian, Robin Williams, Louis Pasteur,
Werner von Braun, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Robert Kennedy,
Luci Baines, Johnson Nugent, George Bush’s children, Prince Charles,
Gen. Westmoreland, Eddie Rickenbacker, Gregory Boyington,
Harry Belafonte, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Mariel Hemingway,
Steve McQueen, George C. Scott, Tom Smothers, Suzanne Somers,
Lindsay Wagner, George Bernard Shaw, Beethoven, Carl Lewis,
Jackie Stewart, “Magic” Johnson, Weyerhauser family,
Wrigley, John Corcoran, and Sylvester Stallone attest to that for me!
Chance,
Following your logic, being dead is a gift. Most of the people who have ever lived are dead. So is being dead a gift? Come on man, you’re fooling yourself.
By the way – to whom of the people in your list do you compare yourself? Oh – noone? Then why use it?
Double downed.
Chance,
Following your logic, being dead is a gift. Most of the people who have ever lived are dead. So is being dead a gift? Come on man, you’re fooling yourself.
By the way – to whom of the people in your list do you compare yourself? Oh – noone? Then why use it?
Double downed.
Huh?
Huh?