There’s something important needs be said in relation to yesterday’s post on why people turn evil.
It has to do with my saintly wife, and a bad habit of my own.
I’ve felt it, and said it for years. When we’re alone I call her "Better Than I Deserve." I have always felt honored to be her friend, have since our first date in 1975. She’s smarter than I am, more level-headed. She’s organized, she’s absolutely ethical, her parents were more accomplished and even our own kids admit that, back then, she was much better-looking than I was. (I think she she still is, but the kids insist we both look fine.)
Yet when I’ve trotted out this canard she has always felt annoyed. And after yesterday I know why.
The phrase, in many ways, is the most evil thing I say. It’s a Larry Craig thing to say, the flip side of Michael Vick’s impunity. It’s just plain wrong.
The phrase implies that I am, somehow, unworthy, and thus that we’re
not equals. We are. Always have been. One thing I’ve found with most
women I’ve known over the years is that, when they’re looking for a
mate, they are looking for an equal. Not someone above or beneath them,
but a true equal who will share the load. Those are the marriages that
work.
Ours has worked, as of December, for 30 years. And while the statement
I make is made in jest, I’m going to try and avoid it in the future.
Whether I felt worthy when we met, whether I feel worthy now, the fact
is we’ve made a life together as partners.
There were years where I was the chief breadwinner and she did most of
the child care, and there have been years when it’s been the other way.
Everything we have, the good times and the bad, is shared. Always has
been.
At the heart of our relationship has always been friendship, tempered
by mutual respect. She’s no higher than me, and I’m no higher than her.
That’s the way it should be.
We’re both very fortunate. Together we’re better than either of us deserves, and just as much as both of us deserve.
