It’s hard not to feel bad for ol’ John McCain, the way you feel bad for the Valkyries at the end of Gotterdammerung, or Ike Clanton at the end of Tombstone.
He’s struggled all his life to get to this spot and finds himself a no-hoper, a joke, a punchline. Not Rocky, but one of those one-or-two-round palookas the champ thought Rocky was before the fight happened.
It’s not all his fault. Had McCain been his party’s nominee in 2000 he might have won. But he also would have been the prisoner of all those dark forces which swirled around Bush, and no more likely to have avoided his mistakes. Besides, he asked for it. He was taking a birthday cake from Bushie when New Orleans was drowning, and he was smiling.
So I should be kicking myself for suggesting this, but there may be a way for ol’ John McCain to make this thing closer than it has any right to be.
Sure, McCain is risking a wholesale defection by the Republican right, a stampede toward Bob Barr. But Bloomberg can help fund a campaign, he’s as neocon as they come, and a party that has already had to swallow hard for ol’ John McCain won’t have to swallow that much harder for Mike Bloomberg.
At least Bloomberg is competent, by most accounts. (Unlike his predecessor, Rudy "9-11 9-11" Giuliani. At least Bloomberg can run an organization. He makes the vaunted Jewish vote competitive — might even win it. You can argue he puts New York in play, maybe New Jersey too.
Compare Bloomberg to McSame’s other choices. Mittens and his hair and his Mormon baggage? A 36-year old Indian from Louisiana who was the protege of David Vitter? A Governor who is so in the closet he can fool himself, but can’t seem to fool anyone else? Kay Bailey Freakin’ Hutchison, who is so close to being furniture in the U.S. Senate she smells like Lemon Pledge? Joe Lieberman, who is basically Bloomberg without the money or the charisma? Haley Barbour, the Kingfish of Mississippi? Sonny Perdue, third-place in the Boss Hogg lookalike contest? Mark Sanford, a crazy South Carolinian who makes Stephen Colbert look like a statesman?
The Republican Party is circling the drain, all of it. What good does it do to try and please these pricks and lose 3-2 when you can go for broke, hope to sweep in the independents along with the racists and at least keep it close? Why go out with a whimper — why not go out like Slim Pickens on top of the a-bomb in Dr. Strangelove?
Anyone got any better ideas? Buehler?
Sure, I got a better idea — Hillary Clinton! Her wacko supports already claim to be voting for McCain if Barrack is the D candidate, this will ensure it. Sure many Republicans can’t stand her, but they hate McCain too and are probably going to vote L at this point. Really, Hillary just has to return to her earlier support for the war and NAFTA (a much smaller flip-flop than she often makes) and she lines up quite nicely with McCain’s platform. As the coup de grace she just has to start adding some sort of Reagan praise angle to her stories about being a Goldwater girl. Once Hillary explains to him how much money pharmaceuticals and managed care concerns can make if they do Universal Healthcare the “right way”, he’ll be on board. It’s a much easier pill to swallow than a lot of the Bush bullshit he’s been shoveling down.
Sure, I got a better idea — Hillary Clinton! Her wacko supports already claim to be voting for McCain if Barrack is the D candidate, this will ensure it. Sure many Republicans can’t stand her, but they hate McCain too and are probably going to vote L at this point. Really, Hillary just has to return to her earlier support for the war and NAFTA (a much smaller flip-flop than she often makes) and she lines up quite nicely with McCain’s platform. As the coup de grace she just has to start adding some sort of Reagan praise angle to her stories about being a Goldwater girl. Once Hillary explains to him how much money pharmaceuticals and managed care concerns can make if they do Universal Healthcare the “right way”, he’ll be on board. It’s a much easier pill to swallow than a lot of the Bush bullshit he’s been shoveling down.
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